Thursday, April 2, 2015

•In what ways have Cushing’s made you a better person?

This is an easy question for me to tackle. Cushing's has made me a better person in many ways.  I now have learned how to slow down and not take life for granted. I enjoy doing laundry, making beds, folding clothes and putting them away, washing dishes, all the little things that I used to complain about. I know it sounds absolutely crazy, but I felt worthless when I couldn't do those things. At least I know if I am doing those things that I am contributing to my family. I want to be a contributing member of society. The little things I can do make me happy. Even bathing myself is an accomplishment that I am very proud of. I had gotten to the point, at a very low time in my life, that I couldn't bathe myself. I had to have someone do that for me. And then, even with someone else doing the work, it wore me out. I ended up taking a 2 - 3 hour nap because I was so tired.

I used to take walking for granted. I ended up in a wheelchair and discovered just how hard life can be if you are confined to a wheelchair. People were very judgmental and hostile towards me when I was in the wheelchair. I remember going to a zoo with my kids and the devil. The devil was pushing me in the wheelchair as we looked at the exhibits. I had several people walk into me and then got mad at me. They crowded me out of areas, I got dirty looks, and just very rude behavior towards me. I was astonished at this treatment. It really made me realize how judgmental society is. I know that most of the dirty looks and judgmental attitude I got were not the result of me being a wheelchair. They were the result of me being as overweight as I was. At my highest weight I was able to weigh, I was 395 lbs. That not something I'm proud of, but I'm not ashamed of it either. The reason I'm not ashamed is because I tried for over a year to get help. I went to doctor, I ate healthier and smaller portion, and I exercised. I did what I was supposed to do. It wasn't my fault that I was that overweight. I had a terrible, deadly disease that could have killed me if it had gone untreated for much longer. I wasn't sitting on the couch eating bon bons and watching tv. I was working and doing things around my house, and walking and living my life. You can't just judge someone because of the size they are or the way they look. You never know what battles they have fought or are currently fighting. There are so many invisible disabilities that people have. Things that are absolutely crippling that people are fighting every day of their lives. They don't give up, they fight like hell. And what do they get in return, when they go into society they are harshly judged. I used to be one of those people doing the judging, but not anymore. I learned from Cushing's what life can do to you and you have no control over it.  I am not judgmental anymore. I know that everyone has a story and unless you know their story, you have no right to say a thing about that person.

I take my time to enjoy every little thing in life. When my kids are happy and celebrating some victory, I celebrate it with them. I wrap those memories up and keep them close to my heart because they won't be little for long and I've already lost a few  years.  Here's the surprising thing, when my kids are bad... they may be disobeying, or throwing a fit, or just being downright mean... I cherish those times also. Don't get me wrong, I still punish them and correct their behavior, but I also cherish the lesson that I am able to teach them. I do this because I know one day when they are grown up and and out on their own I'm gonna miss all those moments. So I don't sweat the little stuff and most of it is little stuff. I can't afford to sweat it. I'm diabetic in addition to having Cushing's. Stress is bad for both diseases. It can hurt you and your health extensively. So I get some weird looks from my kids some time when they just know I'm going to yell at them and instead I say, "I love you." and leave it at that.

I am better because I'm me. I have been through the battle and I am winning. I have almost died 5 times, but I didn't. There is a reason for me to be alive and I'm searching for that reason. In the meantime, I am going to try to spread the word that Cushing's is a horrible disease. It takes over your life and destroys life as you knew it. But, if you try hard enough, you can rebuild your life and be an even better person than you were before... My final thought on this, Don't judge people. You don't know what battle they may be fighting. You don't know their story. They may have an invisible illness or disease and you just don't have a right to belittle this person and make them feel even worse. Have some empathy and smile and if you must say something, tell them to  have a nice day....

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