I had another bad weekend. I slept through most of Saturday. Don't remember much.  The parts I was awake for involved eating and then having attacks of cortisol. That would take me out and make me pass out.  I'm getting really frustrated again with the whole process.  I just want the surgery to be done so I can start recovering.  I want my life back.  I don't want to spend the majority of my time in bed.  I feel like life is passing me by.  I understand the doctors want the safest situation possible for my surgery, but I am so afraid that if they wait too long they are going to say they can't do the surgery because the tumor has gotten too big.  I don't want this to get to the "inoperable" stage. 

My family is wonderful.  My husband and oldest daughter have really become a team and figured out how to handle my attacks.  We have even gotten it to where they are not as bad sometimes.  I just know that it wears on them to be my constant caregivers.  I don't like that I have become so dependant on others.  My hips ache a lot now.  I have gotten to where I have to use the wheelchair more to get around the house because my legs are not always strong enough to hold me up.  It is frustrating to have such skinny legs.  Because of the Cushing's my weight is from my waist up.  My legs actually are quite small and look like they belong to a skinny person.  I commented today that if the rest of my body looked the same as my legs I would actually have a normal size body.

I am hoping for a better week.  I go to see my endocrinologist on Tuesday.  I think he will probably up my dose of ketoconazole since I still have large cortisol rushes.  I don't think the dose it right yet.  I also need to talk to him about getting my blood sugar under control.  It has not been right since my attempted surgery and hospital stay at the beginning of July.  My fasting numbers are around 233 in the mornings.. That is too high. So, we shall see what he says.