I'm getting ready to go to St. Louis for my pre-op visit on Friday.  I am anxious but also excited to finally be within a month of my surgery.  I know I need to keep working on losing weight and getting my liver to shrink.  I think I am starting to figure out some things about my health though.  One thing I have discovered is that I need to eat small, frequent meals instead of only a few big meals.  When I eat small meals my cortisol level doesn't shoot up as high and I have been able to do a little more and feel better.  I actually had a moment, laying in bed a couple of nights ago, where I felt good.  I couldn't feel a pain in my body and that was amazing.  It was a strange sensation for me because I have had constant pain for so long now.

My kids are back in school and doing pretty well.  I had to use the wheelchair to go to meet the teacher at my younger two children's school.  I did not have the energy to walk around the school.  I am also taking the wheelchair with me this weekend when we go for my pre-op visit.  I was just thinking and realized I haven't driven a car in nearly three months now.  It's the little things like that and losing my independence because of it that really get to me some days.  I went with my oldest daughter when she went to the doctor today.  It was the first time I had been out of the house like that, except for my own doctors appointments, in a very long time.  I don't even go out of the house most weekends because it takes too much energy or I just don't feel like it.  I am probably depressed, at least to some degree.  I am still constantly tired, except at night when insomnia hits me and I can't sleep for anything.  No matter what I try sleep evades me.  I will pass out around 4 am, that is the usual thing now.

My hope in all of this is that surgery goes well and I can get back to work soon.  Whether I can go back to my part-time job at the library or have to find another job, I just need to be working to help my family survive.  Money is tight without me working. It's going to get tighter soon because my husband just found out he has to have surgery.  He has an old neck injury that is hurting him.  He has a bulging disc and a bone spur in his neck that are pressing against his spinal cord and restricting blood flow.  We will make it somehow, I'm just not sure how right now.  They say when it rains, it pours. I am tired of the bad stuff happening. Praying for good stuff to start soon.  I know God will take care of us and it will work out.  Just have to pray harder.