I am a week away from surgery now.  I called my surgeon on Monday to make sure the surgery was going to happen whether I lost weight or now.  My endocrinologist told me I had to be down to under 300 lbs to have surgery. That is kinda hard to do and unrealistic considering I weight 325 lbs now and it is because of my Cushing's.  The nurse called me back and said the surgeon is ready to go.  He feels I have waited more than enough time, actually probably too long, and will do this surgery on September 26.  So, I am set to do.

Now I am nervous, excited, frustrated, and so many other emotions.  I could live or die from this surgery.  I am so scared because of the first attempt at this surgery. But I am much more confident in the new surgeon.  He knows what he is doing and he has a lot of knowledge about Cushing's Syndrome and it's affects on the body.  I am going to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, MO for my surgery.  This is a very well known hospital so I feel better about that also.  This is a teaching hospital.  They will do the best they can.

I fear the unknown though.  I know I am going to have withdrawal symptoms from the Cortisol not being in my system anymore.  I have ready that the withdrawals are brutal.  I am not looking forward to that. But at least I know if I am going through that then I am still alive and fighting. I just read an article that said a majority of Cushing's syndrome surgery patients have a negative post-operative recovery experience.  This scares me.  That is what I am facing.  I just have to try to remain as positive as possible and pray for the best.

Today was a bad day physically.  I felt horrible all day.  My body was tight from cortisol and felt swollen.  Everything hurt and I slept most of the day.  I was nauseous and just felt moody.  I tried warning people I was not mentally capable of thought or conversation.  Now insomina has kicked in.  The house is quiet with everyone in bed asleep, except for ME.  I feel somewhat better now and it pisses me off that I feel like this when my family is sleeping, but not when they are awake.  I want to be able to do things with my husband and kids.  Well, hoping for a better day tomorrow.