I am a week away from surgery now. I called my surgeon on Monday to make sure the surgery was going to happen whether I lost weight or now. My endocrinologist told me I had to be down to under 300 lbs to have surgery. That is kinda hard to do and unrealistic considering I weight 325 lbs now and it is because of my Cushing's. The nurse called me back and said the surgeon is ready to go. He feels I have waited more than enough time, actually probably too long, and will do this surgery on September 26. So, I am set to do.
Now I am nervous, excited, frustrated, and so many other emotions. I could live or die from this surgery. I am so scared because of the first attempt at this surgery. But I am much more confident in the new surgeon. He knows what he is doing and he has a lot of knowledge about Cushing's Syndrome and it's affects on the body. I am going to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, MO for my surgery. This is a very well known hospital so I feel better about that also. This is a teaching hospital. They will do the best they can.
I fear the unknown though. I know I am going to have withdrawal symptoms from the Cortisol not being in my system anymore. I have ready that the withdrawals are brutal. I am not looking forward to that. But at least I know if I am going through that then I am still alive and fighting. I just read an article that said a majority of Cushing's syndrome surgery patients have a negative post-operative recovery experience. This scares me. That is what I am facing. I just have to try to remain as positive as possible and pray for the best.
Today was a bad day physically. I felt horrible all day. My body was tight from cortisol and felt swollen. Everything hurt and I slept most of the day. I was nauseous and just felt moody. I tried warning people I was not mentally capable of thought or conversation. Now insomina has kicked in. The house is quiet with everyone in bed asleep, except for ME. I feel somewhat better now and it pisses me off that I feel like this when my family is sleeping, but not when they are awake. I want to be able to do things with my husband and kids. Well, hoping for a better day tomorrow.
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