I am gearing up for surgery next week.  I helped clean my storage shed out on Saturday.  It wiped me out but I did it.  I still have a few storage tubs to go through. I am hoping to get through them this week.  I am trying really hard to do more things.  I have actually made dinner, with help, several times in the past couple of weeks.  That certainly helps to make me feel better about myself.  It's not hard to get discouraged and just feel like a worthless lump when all you do is lie around all day.  Unfortunately, I don't have the energy to do much.  It's hard to have my adrenaline level soo high all the time. 

I have learned to slow down and be thankful for a lot more in my life.  But I am also looking forward to getting better and getting back to my life.  It was good to realize during my pre-op visit that I have lost weight and kept most of it off.  I weighed 244 lbs. on January 10, 2011.  I started this journey of illness on February 28, 2011.  I know this date to be exact because it was the day I had my first miscarriage.  That was and will remain a very dark day in my life.  I started gaining 5 - 10 lbs a month.  I was eating healthy, had cut out most sugar from my diet, and was exercising.  The so called doctors I was seeing could not explain why I was gaining weight or starting to have the other medical issues.  They would say my lab work looked bad or suspicous, but let's wait and see.  That turned into me weighing 345 lbs at the highest I have recorded, but I got to the point where my scales wouldn't weigh me because they said I exceded their limit.  So, I know I was 350+.  When I went for my pre-op visit I now weigh 320.5 lbs.  It's still way too much, but at least I'm down from the 350 lbs. and will hopefully just keep going down more and more.  I look forward to having the energy to exercise or even just do normal household chores will help.

I am going to set short term goals.  My first is this, three months from now I want to have had my surgery.  I want to have lost 20 lbs. and be under 300 lbs.  I want to be doing household chores and hopefully not need a wheelchair anymore.