My kids have been out of school for a week. Monday, March 16 is the last day of Spring Break and then they return to school. First, I can't believe the school year is going so fast. Second, I can't believe they are growing up so fast. Third, I hate the way I have been feeling. My blood sugar has been uncontrolled. I have had several lows during the week. It has really shocked me. I'm used to the highs. That is what I usually run. Anywhere is the 400 - 500 range is what my body and I are used to. Then, I was finally able to get those numbers down and under control. They were actually running from 120 - 170. I know the 170 is high, but not nearly as high as it had been. So, I was happy. We were headed in the right direction. I started having more energy. My chronic pain meds were changed. I was taken off Fentanyl patch every 3 days and morphine every 4 hours for break through pain. My pain management doctor changed me to Butrans patches one a week and Suboxone strips every 12 hours. It is a work in progress. But the pain is a lot less in my lower back and all over in general. So, I have been able to get up and be more productive. Cleaning house, doing dishes, doing laundry, just doing "normal" everyday tasks that I couldn't always do anymore. It has been wonderful. Then, a routine trip to the grocery store for some things turned into a nightmare when I crashed. I have had two such grocery store nightmares now. So, I've learned that even something as mundane as grocery shopping IS considered exercise and you must check blood sugar levels before attempting this.
Why is my life so upside down? I'm scared to do things again. I want to be safe and I certainly don't want to be out somewhere with my kids and crash. That would be frightening for all of us. I'm sure my kids would be able to get help and they would know what to do. But it would also scare them being in public and having to rely on strangers for help. Besides, I've scared them enough when I have gotten sick, I don't need to add to it. I'm very scared of doing things. Even something as simple as walking to the park. I want to be more active and I told the kids we would walk to the park. We live real close to one so it wouldn't be a far off venture. I just haven't felt real good and I want to avoid getting sick on our walk. I know I'm going to have to get over this fear. I need to make the kids lives as normal as possible. I already feel their life is stifled by me because I am a single, diabetic, Cushing's mom. This is a hard role to balance. But I will do a little more research, get a little stronger and braver, and take the kids for that walk. Slow does the trick. I will try to be as relaxed as possible and not push myself too hard. That should keep my symptoms under control and my blood sugar in a good range.
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