Today has not been a good day. No particular reason. I have just felt crappy most of the day.  I was able to convince Joe and the kids to go do something outside of the house.  I feel guilty for ruining their summer.  I can't really do that much and so they stay at home, inside so much of the time.  I want them to be able to get out and live life.  Life is so short and precious.

I called my doctor in St. Louis yesterday to try and figure out when I get to go there and continue my journey.  They called me back and seem like it is going to be a really good experience with this doctor and his staff.  They are still waiting on test results from my endocrinologist here and then they will set appointments up.  Since they know I will be traveling a ways, they want to get everything set up and try to do it on the same day to minimize travel and expenses for me.  I really appreciate that.

I'm surprised that my body is not more sore than it is from the surgery.  I guess since they didn't get to do much, it didn't cause much pain that way.  It has however, cause new symptoms.  I cannot lay flat at all now.  I have trouble breathing if I do.  I have to lay elevated, at an angle.  It is tricky to try and find the right position to sleep in now.  I got tired of the nurses and staff at the hospital continually asking me if I wear a CPAP at home.  They kept telling me I needed to be tested for sleep apnea.  Funny thing is I didn't have trouble breathing while I was sleeping, or anytime for that matter, until after my surgery on Monday. So maybe the fact that I coded and they had to bag me and put me on a respirator has something to do with my breathing issues now? I know I'm not a medical professional, but just maybe that is the problem and not sleep apnea??

My liver is 5 times the size it is supposed to be.  That scares me.  I know that is not good.  Especially since they say it is because it is absorbing the excess chemicals that the tumor is putting off.  It's supposed to go gradually go back to normal size after the tumor is gone.  Everything hinges on the tumor being removed.  My body cannot start healing until the tumor is gone.  It is so frustrating for me.  The tumor was supposed to be gone already.  It was supposed to be a relatively simple procedure that was to be completed Monday.  Now, it's nearly a week later and I still have the stinkin' tumor and the same symptoms and new ones.  I want the healing process to start.  I want to be able to do things with my husband and children.  I want to do simple things like tying my own shoes or getting dressed without it wearing me out.  Taking a shower without help is a dream of mine now.  Sad, but true because it takes so much effort for me to do everything, including little tasks, anymore.